Why doesn’t he introduce me to his environment?


A year ago I met a man. We build a relationship, in my environment. I never go to his environment. He has a car, I don’t, and because of my health I can’t use public transport. So it’s easier if he comes to me. According to him, that’s the reason it is the way it is. When he’s with me, it feels good. He seems sincere. Still, I don’t understand why he doesn’t introduce me to his environment. Can I trust this man? Woman (55), name known to editors

Set condition

You need to increase the pressure to mitigate this trust issue. Starting with the condition to visit his home. Set that condition very directly and observe what his (non-)verbal response is. Tim van den Noort (32), The Hague

Huge choice

I think your question is worth an alarm bell, hop in that car. Will he keep diving? We are 7.8 billion, depending on your taste I say: the choice remains huge. Pigeon Alderse Boss (45), Driebergen-Rijsenburg

Surprise him at home

Follow your intuition and ask him about his home situation and his circle. Take a taxi and surprise him at his house. Then you know what’s going on and you can decide in time before you are hurt too much. Marja van Heel (63), Belfeld

Choose trust

As long as you have no concrete reason to distrust your new partner, choose to trust – in him and in your own impression of his sincerity. Start with the obvious explanation: laziness, thoughtlessness, and the traditional male social blind spot. Have you let him know that you would like to get to know his environment? He has to pick you up and bring you back, but that seems like a fair return for all those tasty meals you have served him over the past year. Fred Heutink (76), Eindhoven

lose him

No, you cannot trust him. You don’t insist, because you may be afraid of losing him. But living in an illusion will soon hurt even more. Alex van Empel (64), IJsselstein

Shame or fear

Either your partner is ashamed of his heritage and doesn’t want to expose you to it, or he has something to hide and is afraid you’ll find out if he takes you into his environment. Present both options to him, then draw your conclusion. Gerke van Egmond (68), Warmond

proud partner

Treat yourself to a relationship where your partner can’t wait to proudly introduce you to friends and family and is happy to make a detour. Anette van Sandwijk (47), The Hague

Insist

“Tell me who your friends are and I’ll tell you who you are.” An old saying that still holds true today. You could gauge his reaction by insisting on visiting him. You arrange your own transport. His response will be telling. Jos van Eijndhoven (70), Liempde

In two weeks: How to deal with growing daughter?

We have a beautiful daughter of 13. She has always loved good food, with a preference for pasta and anything sweet. She is regularly in the kitchen to make something, nice, but always fat or with a lot of sugar. We see her getting fatter now, she has a nice belly. We exercise a lot ourselves and try to eat healthy. I’d hate to see her get too fat, but I don’t want to focus too much on a ‘perfect’ body, because anorexia is a nightmare. So we never say things like ‘don’t eat so much or you’ll get too fat’. How would you handle this? Woman (52), name known to editors

Our question is: what would you do? Mail your answer (max. 110 words) before Monday 28 March 2022 to: wzud@volkskrant.nl. Do you have a dilemma and do you want advice from other readers? Mail your problem (max. 110 words) to: wzud@volkskrant.nl. Always state your full name, age and place of residence. The editors reserve the right to shorten contributions.

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